bait & switch

I normally have nothing but nice things to say about Amazon.com but I've never had an order go wrong. Until today. I placed an order for Pandora's Star last week. Hardcover for $7.99. Certainly it looked cheap but I've seen similar deals on Amazon. This page is still up on Amazon by the way.

And of course the package comes today and it's a cheap paperback. Why I didn't assume this is beyond me. So for the first time I need to send something back to Amazon. The first annoying thing about this process is they give you a list of reasons you are returning it.


See the one where its says, "Because we sent you the wrong item"? No me neither. Whatever. I pick "Product is defective" as that seems the closest, pack up the book, print out some return forms, and head over the UPS. It's at this point that I realize I need to spend more than $7.99 to send this thing back.

Checkmate. Amazon wins.

the sad state of computing

I consider myself a technically savvy guy when it comes to computers. I typically build my own so I know my way around the hardware and software. I don't find them particularly intimidating on any level. So this weekend was a really eye opener for me.

On the recommendation of yours truly I suggested that my inlaws let me buy them a new computer. Their old Studebaker of a PC was about 8 years old, unable to upgrade to the latest security updates (it barfed), and was causing me and my wife substantial grief when trying to get anything done on it. They agreed.

We made the usual rounds - Best Buy, CompUSA, OfficeDepot, Costco, etc. Each had pretty much the same presentation philosophy - a shelf with a smattering of low end to high end computers at relevant price points. Intermingled with the computers were 'deals'. Bundled deals, mail-in rebate deals, etc. Now as someone who had a good idea of what these inlaws needed in terms of computing specs and knew what the specs meant I found it downright impossible to find a computer that fit their needs. There were no computers for 60 year olds. These people didn't need 200 GB hard drives. They actually had no files to transfer over so 10GB would have been fine (yes you read that correctly, no files. I checked). Did they need a DVD writer? No. Did they need 1 GB of RAM? No. But if you went to the low end systems then there was something invariably missing. It didn't have a 5 or 7 in 1 card reader. It didn't come with a decent LCD screen (>15") that older people with poor eyesight kind of need. And the CPU was always just anemic Celeron type crap. They're old. They don't need to see sand timers spinning around as the years pass by.

I eventually bit the bullet on something far too overpowered. But it had the key things they needed. Then I put it all together for them. Again this was quite easy but I was struck by how completely screwed they would be if they had to do this. Take the LCD screen. It had an analog and a digital cord included but the computer only took an analog connection. Fine. I'm setting it up so these things didn't matter.

Next we boot up. This was the biggest shock because I haven't purchased a computer for 10 years now. I had no idea the desktop was like driving down the interstate. Icon after icon of what effectively were digital billboards. AOL 3 month trials. Anti-virus 3 month trials. Useless software that was already built into the OS. On and on it went. After updating the OS I spend 4 hours cleaning up the software library. Four hours! What is this piece of shit software and can I delete it? On and on it went. How is this any way to treat your paying customers?

After I flattened the system I then thought of some easy but useful things I could set up for them. I installed Foldershare so we could put photos onto their computer from afar. I then was greeted with the blank look deer get from bright lights when I mentioned 'cut and paste'. Clearly my inlaws thought I was talking about décollage by their bewilderment at this phrase. Now I could have taken a negative tone here but why on earth would they know what cut and paste meant. And as I showed them how to do it I realized my tutorial was sinking in about as well as Ben Stein's Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act lecture. "Right click, blah blah blah... And then I do what? Anyone?" I proceeded to uninstall Foldershare.

I think if Microsoft wanted to grow again they would make their own computer - The "my VCR blinks 12:00" computer. I'm not entirely sure how the OS would operate but I can guarantee a loyal and devoted consumer segment.

bloglines on crack

Boy Bloglines has really been screwing the pooch lately. Bloglines doubles as a second Reuters news feed for me at work so it's particularly annoying when things go awry. Here's a partial list of my folders.

Man it is still a mess. Thousands of unread feeds that I've already read. Tons of feeds not updating at all. This is what happens when big companies (IAC) buy small companies (Bloglines). They just don't give a shit. They haven't even acknowledged a problem on their site yet.

signatures

There must be some personality profiling that can be done based the effort people put into their email signatures. I just received an email with an email signature that bordered on being a full blown resume. The attention to detail was impressive. Even the name of our firm had a number of acronyms tacked on to the end that I'm still trying to decipher. This person works in some data service administration capacity for the firm. I'm pretty sure they found the correct person. I on the other hand have never had a signature to my knowledge and most definitely should not be working in data service administration.

self selection for underperformers

We had one of those email events today. I'm sure you've seen this before if you have worked for a company with a decent number of people:

Employee A: Mistakenly sends out an email using a broad distribution list when it was meant for only a few people

Employee B: Replies All that he doesn't want to be on the distribution list and doesn't know why he is receiving this email

Employee C: Replies All to that email screaming (in all caps) for people to stop sending email to everyone.

Employee D: ad nauseum

The irony seems to be lost on these people that they are telling others to stop doing what they are doing. Meanwhile as my email inbox starts to fill up I become frustrated both with the task of deleting my already overflowing list of email and also the stupidity of the average person.

And then it occurred to me. If I owned a company I would randomly send these types of emails out twice a year. All people who 'replied all' would be instantly fired. This is a great way to get rid of those bureaucratic idiots who clog up the operations of a company. In fact I would purposely not fire employee A to drive home the point who the real shitheads in this situation are. Brilliant!

brow beating

Unruly eyebrow hair on men. Can someone explain this to me? How do you look in the mirror in the morning as you are getting ready for work and not notice the thick forest of hair emanating from your brow? How do you stand there and make the assessment you are ready to go out in public when you've got a rat's nest of eyebrows impeding your vision? How? Your head hair gets long and unruly and you get it cut. Eyebrow hair is close to your head hair. Shouldn't you be making the same kind of aesthetic judgments in both areas? Are they preparing for the potential loss of hair so they can use the eyebrow hair as a combover? Someone please explain this to me.

death by a thousand cuts

It's timely that Businessweek had a tiny blurb on Gillette this month. The 'sidebar' focused on Gillette 'innovation' over the last century. Here's the data they show (note it is not inflation adjusted):

Original Safety Razor
Year: 1903
Description: Two sided blade
Slogan: "Will hold its edge for 20 or 30 shaves"
Cost of one blade: $0.05

Trac II
Year: 1971
Description: Two-bladed cartridge
Slogan: "Two blades are better than one"
Cost of one cartridge: $0.20

Sensor
Year: 1990
Description: Spring-mounted cartridge
Slogan: "Can sense and adjust to the contours of your face"
Cost of one cartridge: $0.79

Mach 3
Year: 1998
Description: three-bladed cartridge
Motto: "You take one stroke, it takes three"
Cost of one cartridge: $1.63

Fusion
Year: 2006
Description: five-bladed cartridge
Slogan: "The comfort of five blades, the precision of one"
Cost of one cartridge: $3.00

Holy cow those cartridges are getting pricey. I tell you what, let's inflation adjust:

Safety Razor $ 0.52
Trac II $ 0.44
Sensor $ 1.14
Mach 3 $ 1.96
Fusion $ 3.00

Still frickin expensive. Why is this article in Businessweek timely? Because I've about had it with their product. 5 blades? Is that really necessary? The profit margin on these cartridges is insane. And I find they don't hold their edge as long as the previous models and I get a crappy shave. I have a thick growth so an irritating shave is a pain in my butt. Take a look at the top of that list - safety razor. What the hell is that? I'm barely old enough to remember. You just don't see them around anymore. Here's a picture of a safety razor on the right. It's that contraption your dad might have used when you were small. You slide a flat double edge blade into the holder and screw it down from the bottom of the handle.

My first experience with a safety razor was at the tender age of two. It's my first memory. I saw my dad's razor, picked it up, and dragged it across my face just like dad did. I proceeded to place a nice gash in my left cheek. I bled like a stuck pig. I don't remember any pain. I just remember my nanny walking in and shrieking and then running off. She actually completely ran off. We never saw her again. I expect she thought she'd be fired.

You might think after that I'd want to stay far away from these things. But the more I read the more I think the end product (the shave) is much better. Less irritation and less shaving bumps. It has a little more upfront investment in both money and learning but I like that if it cuts my consumables costs on the back end. Gillette after all makes a crapload of money with their cartridge products.

And besides, there's something about rituals that I like. I still enjoy placing old vinyl albums on a record player and laying the needle on top even though a CD has better sound and is easier to use. I can afford to spend a little more time on shaving if the experience is better. So I've done the research and bought one (the one in the picture) along with a few other accoutrements. I'll report back later with how the whole thing went and key lessons.

notice to customers, we hate you

I'm scanning the CNet news items in my aggregator today. There's about 10 stories there. Three of them stick out.

MySpace (acquired by News Corp) is banning references to Revver (a video sharing service) probably because it's viewed as competition. Not surprisingly they've done this before.

British Film Academy screeners could not view the movie Munich because the DVD DRM and DVD player DRM weren't compatible.

If you sign up for Verizon's music download service, they seem to be turning off the phone's ability to play the mp3 format. There's also a great quote - "We don't view this as restricting user's functionality." Priceless.

There's two clear things going on here. One, many companies hate and distrust their customers. In some cases they probably have good reason to distrust them. Two, they don't think their customers will retaliate against them for this. Surprisingly on the second point they might be right. For example, Sony had that rootkit DRM fiasco a few weeks ago. Do I now not purchase anything from Sony? What if I'm looking for a camera and Sony offers the best product at the best price. Do I not buy it on principle? A part of me says yes. Then again a part of me is probably going to say, "screw that, that's the best camera and I want it." To do otherwise means you are making a bad economic decision for yourself. The best way to retaliate against a company is always with your wallet. If a company screws me with one hand but offers up a good valued product with the other it's tough to make a vote against the company. I can retaliate against the bad product (not buy any Sony DRM'd CDs) but do I continue to retaliate if they revoke that approach to DRM? If so, for how long? I think I'm going to have to struggle with these types of questions more and more in the future.

the sorry state of business phones

Unlike most of the jobs I've held my phone is significantly more important to me than email as the primary form of communication. And I do a lot of communicating for my job. I'm looking at my phone now and noticing how it looks identical to the phone I had when I first started working some 10 odd years ago. It's amazing this important piece of equipment hasn't evolved. At least it hasn't evolved for the end user. I can't think of a business tool that is in more need of an overhaul. And that usually means that there is significant opportunity for someone out there.

I've been told you can do a lot with a business phone - conference calling, holding, transfers, etc. I wouldn't know. I've never actually used these functions. I've looked at the instruction manual and I can actually follow the instructions. But a week later when I need to transfer someone to another person I inevitably forget the convoluted button sequence or byzantine pathway through the menu functions I'm supposed to invoke to get it done. Usually a scream to my admin works as a substitute. Hey, it works.

I have buttons on my phone that have little text descriptions to help me out. Things like Test, Drop, Ring, and SAC. Gee thanks.

This shouldn't be that hard right?

LCDs are cheap now. Can't we get a decent sized screen on phones now that has slightly better resolution than my 15 year old HP calculator? A low-end chip to run a phone app on can't be but a few dimes. Adding a little bit of software and some graphical, context based menu choices shouldn't be too hard. While they're at it maybe they could add some cute fluffy icons to pacify me during this moment of duress. Interject some soothing elevator music to give me strength during my time of need. I'm betting my admin would foot the bill for this new phone too.

This is why events like CES don't interest me. Those types of conferences generally aren't introducing products that solve anyone's problems. They are just 'cool' products that seem 'cool' and make you look 'cool' if you have them. I don't want cool. I want to transfer Jim over to Sally. Why is no one focusing on these obvious problems?

give me the worst phone you have

I went shopping for a new phone this weekend (landline versus cell). My current phone was a little beaten up, acting a little flaky at times, and constantly screwing up my WiFi signal at home. Actually shopping would be the wrong term. I simply purchased the cheapest cordless phone I could find.

It's an odd situation when you actively go looking for the worst product a store carries. And I wasn't looking for a cheap phone to save money. Phones hold that weird place in consumer electronics where phone companies have tried to improve them, but they haven't been improved.

My old phone was some 2.4GHz deal. Exactly the same frequency as my WiFi. The two liked to flirt with each other. My WiFi router is a total whore. Phone frequency meet WiFi frequency. They couldn't get into bed quickly enough. "Get a room" I would scream as my internet connection crapped out. 5.8GHz is the new black with phones. But that's the frequency that the next generation of WiFi is going to operate at.

Some phones do a decent job of working around another signal with the concept of channels. A channel is a frequency slightly different from 2.4 GHz (e.g. channel 1 = 2.400GHz, channel 2 = 2.405GHz, etc.). But that doesn't always work either because the signals do not tightly fit into their energy spectrum. There is signal bleed. And my last phone bled like stuck pig. It was like an 18 wheeler driving down the wireless highway. Everything in its path was taken out. Especially trashy looking WiFi signals with curvaceous figures.

There's another problem related to this. Everyone else owns 2.4GHz phones and WiFi products and will soon own 5.8GHz. It reminds me when 900MHz phones started to become popular and interference problems started occurring. It's ironic how an old 900MHz phone solves a lot of problems for me. No one owns anything in that spectrum anymore except a couple of old age pensioners in Ohio. And it sounds exactly the same as the newer phones. Trust me.

The next thing to consider in a phone is the feature set. Speed dialing, programmable features, conference calling, etc. Which bring me to my second problem (in SAT form). VCRs are to my parents as phones are to me. I've never for the life of me figured out how to use any of these beyond the 5 minutes that I spend with the instruction manual. After that I've forgotten the contorted set of buttons to press to quickly dial my dad. The UI is terrible. Considering we've had mildly well designed UIs in cell phones for a while I'm not sure why this hasn't transferred over to land lines. And while I'm on cell phones, why are cell phones so tiny and handsets so monstrous? Probably because the designers are focusing on new features and not on making it smaller. Again the solution here is to buy the phone with the fewest number of features.

Amazingly there was only one phone that met this criteria. A lonely 900MHz phone sitting in the display. It was so lonely it took 2 people 20 minutes to actually locate one in a box. Poor thing. Well now it has a nice home and it works wonderfully. All for $25.

five?

Gillette's new razor. I'm just hoping that there is no Moore's Law for razors. Didn't Saturday Night Live have a commercial skit about 3 blades back in the 80's? I'm pretty sure they did. Ahhh. They did. Actually aired in '75.

another satisfied customer

My wife is going to be out of town in a few weeks, taking our baby, and returning my life for a few days to a bachelor- like existence. Naturally I wanted to check out what shows are going to be playing in Manhattan while she is gone. A Google search for 'concert tickets' turns up Ticketmaster. I hit the link and type in my zip code and they present me with an insane amount of shows coming up over the next 60 days. I select some options to narrow my search and then I get this

We limit the rate of web page requests that can be made by individual users in any given time period. Your web page requests have exceeded these limits and your access has been temporarily disabled. We impose these limits to protect the web site from automated programs, as part of our efforts to promote fair access to tickets. Please allow several minutes and then try again.

Huh? Are bandwidth and server cycles so expensive now that you can't run a small little query against your database for shows in my zipcode during a particlar date range? How pathetic is this? If you are going to install a filter like this make sure you get it right. It's the sort of annoying thing that just eliminates any chance of me ever being a customer of Ticketmaster in the future. Come on guys! I gotta have more cowbell.

ironic

Every time some kind of tragic event happens, I'm always perplexed by a number of responses people have. I mentally group them into 3 types although all have a basic core driver underneath.

The 'you don't look sad enough so you don't care' group. These people think the only way to respond to these tragic events is with the most dour sense of personal remorse and seriousness. Any other kind of response is swiftly denounced by this group. There is a very good site that shows some excellent video footage of the tsunami in Asia. One of the commments was from one person saying how he kind of wished he was there to actually see and understand the magnitude of what was happening. He was roundly taken to task for such 'insensitive' statements. What exactly were these people doing at a site that shows video footage if not to 'understand the magnitude of what was happening?' Another site had this comment when the blogger made a post that kept in line with what his blog was about. 'Can’t help but think its a little early for an essay like this. The death toll is up to 114,000 and still rising, I think we should probably wait to make points that are tangentially related.' Yea let's wait until it hits 200,000 before we carry on with our lives. Can I get 10,000. 10,000 please. 10,000 from the man in the back of the room. Can I get 20,000...

The 'you don't comment so you don't care' group. These people think that if any organization or person does not personally make some public/visual statement about said tragic event they don't care. I've seen a number of these type of attributions placed on bloggers and corporations because they haven't made a statement or put something up on their websites. Conversely some individuals and corporations are considered upstanding members of society simply because they provide a link for you (not them) to go give money to support efforts. Gee thanks. I hope that doesn't destroy your bottom line for the quarter.

The 'you don't devote enough effort/time/money so you don't care' group. This is by far the oddest group. When I was a consultant one the first 'skills' we learned was prioritization. Fix what is important first. With the scope of the tsunami damage it's a little more understandable. But even with 200,000 people dead, that is less than some estimates of the number of children alone who die every week from starvation and starvation related health problems. Even if that estimate is 90% wrong, our efforts are still best spent raising money to help children get fed. It's more explicitly shown by the amount of energy shown for news items that don't deserve a passing glance. Things like a baby stuck down a well. "You didn't watch the news on that baby? Don't you care?"

But this last group more than any other illustrates what is really going on here. All these groups are effectively sanctimonious and ultimately quite selfish about how they 'feel your pain'. I would argue that the reason the tsunami will raise more money than a starving children campaign is because starving is not something that is going to happen to us. I think the tsunami freaks people out because it's so easy for something like that to happen to us. On some level we probably know it's likely. At least in some generalized natural disaster kind of way (tornado, earthquake, etc.). So screw those starving kids. That'll never happen to me and they brought it on themselves anyway. But a tsunami could happen to me and there's nothing those people did to bring it upon themselves. Hence if you don't show sadness or make a statement or devote some energy/money to the problem, you are in effect saying you don't give a shit about me. Well I guess that is right. I don't.

age of whiners

So I'm listening to NPR on my way to run some errands this Saturday morning. I believe it was a local version of NPR. The format was a call-in radio show. The topic today? Define what people will call this 'age' in future. For example, 'this is the age of aquarius'. I listened to about 40 minutes of this show and every single person calling in - and I mean every single one of them - defined this age from a pessimistic perspective. The Age of Corporatism, The Age of Separatism, The Age of Fear, The Age of Technofascism,... During a break, as I was thinking to myself that this is really The Age of Snivelling Ass Clowns Who Call Into Radio Programs™, the host of the show pointed out how pessimistic everyone was and asked for someone to step forward with a more optimistic view. What happened? Another 30 minutes of more pessimism. Perhaps this is a function of it being a Seattle area radio broadcast where people are generally depressed and paranoid or perhaps it's a function of only these types of people spend the energy calling in. But I think in general this attitude is more ubiquitous. I look back at how my parents had to live when they were my age and I wouldn't trade positions for one minute. I don't worry about food, I can afford a car, I have very little stress in my life, I have shelter - in total, I have nothing to really worry about. And I'm guessing none of these people calling in do either. When some catastrophe does eventually happen - I'm talking something like a meteor hitting earth not something as local as the Twin Tower events - we'll look back at what we really had; an easy life.

no really...trust me

The media and politicians share a number of things in common but the most interesting to me is the vitriol and hatred thrown at them by the masses. And by masses here I'm talking about you and me. We hate both with equal energy. But I can't help but think this is one of the biggest copouts in the history of mankind. We think both lie, deceive, fabricate, malign, trump up, backstab, etcetera. But no one ever steps back and asks why. Why? Because we want them to. Would a politician or some reporter please point this out.

Let's go visit a few news websites to show some of the lies. ABC - "Report - 11,000 clergy abuse claims filed". Misleading? A little. These claims were filed over the last 52 years. But that wouldn't sound as enticing would it? CNN - "Study links antibiotics and breast cancer". Nice and punchy right? These kind of story titles always rile me. There is nothing in the article to explain any causality only that there is a correlation. Could it be that women who develop breast cancer often suffer from other maladies requiring antibiotics? Amazingly CNN did report the '52 year' aspect of the clergy claims story in their lead. Why do they do this? Because we want them to. We wouldn't read the damn article if they didn't write it that way. Facts? Don't waste my time. Give me the juice.

Politicians have it no better. This guy will forever watch his mouth. Sure the guy showed some lack of judgment but he used the nigger word to another white person and an African American legislator accepted his apology. But he still took a lot of hell. Bush Sr. says he won't raise taxes and he raises them. Bush Jr. says there's WMDs and there are none. There's no out for a politician. And we know it. That's why none of us want their job. The people who don't fall into this category like John Edwards and his positive campaign don't stand a chance. We dismiss Dean because he screamed once. Nobody in the history of this planet can live up to our expectations. So what's a politician to do? Lie.

"Lie to me, lie. Lie to me, lie
I don't care what people may say, I know everybody lies
I'm not trying to hurt my love, I'm only trying to get by"